I first got to know Jesus in the late fall of 2020. In the midst of international Covid chaos, I was massively suicidal and severely under-medicated. I stopped taking my antipsychotics (I have type-2 bipolar disorder) due to consistent brain fog and weight gain. However, I spiraled into the deepest manic cycle I’ve ever experienced.

That’s when the Lord reached out to me. He found me in the darkest moment of my life and rescued me. I’ve shared that story time and time again on the Youtube channel.

Once I began to truly declare that Jesus was Lord over my life and obey Him, people started telling me that I had a “glow” about me. Wherever I went, people said my face was “shining.” Whenever I talk about Jesus, I’m told that I glow even brighter. And, whenever I find myself battling a spiritual war, people seem to tell me the same thing. I’ve heard it over and over again.

I don’t believe we can always see the Spirit on people’s faces. However, the closer I get to God, the more people make these types of comments. Personally, the Spirit shows Himself on my face and continues to shine brighter in me each and every day. Similarly, Moses’ face had a brilliant shine to it as he guided the Israelites out of slavery. When we come to know God for Who He truly is, many of us will find that we have a similar glow about ourselves.

Not only does the Holy Spirit’s light shine on my face, but it also shines deep within my soul. He’s my energy source, a constant stream of peace and protection. I feel Him move in me all day long; He brings me comfort and protection when I’m emotionally attacked (the enemy loves to disguise himself as bipolar anxiety – it’s hard to tell the difference if I don’t pray) and He occasionally stirs me to worship. He fills me with gratitude and joy and gives me strength during the hard moments. That’s just the emotional support I get from Him – I didn’t even the mention His voice and His wisdom.

Nonetheless, I’ve found it increasingly difficult to spend time with people I was close with before I began my faith journey. The brighter I shine, the more I rely on the Holy Spirit for energy, peace, and strength. God designed each and every one of us with a need for that type of energy. Thus, He is the only one who can fill that void in each of our souls. People must get the energy of the Spirit from somewhere. We’re designed to need it. Many people don’t even realize how much more energized, at peace, and whole they would feel if they filled themselves with the Holy Spirit. I often replenish my light from constant prayer and reading the Bible.

When certain people with an open void (I’ll talk about being closed-off from the Spirit in a bit) spend time with me, I am deeply aware of how I begin to feel. At first, I feel like I just don’t want to talk to them. It’s exhausting. I feel suddenly lethargic, as if I’m being drained. It feels like my life source is being drained out of me. With some people, this gets gradually worse over time. I might be able to tolerate spending only a few hours with them before I’m completely wiped.

When I worked in retail, I had quite a few instances of customers draining my light almost instantly. One was wearing rings and necklaces of a non-Christian religious symbol. She was clearly someone who followed a religion and recognized her need to be spiritual. However, she wasn’t filled with the Holy Spirit. Because of it, she drained my energy almost instantly. She had opened her void in her search for spirituality but it wasn’t being filled (Jesus is the only way to receive the Holy Spirit). I felt absolutely awful as I rang her up at the cash register and I could sense this deep malaise forming in my chest.

Curiously though, I have some friends who are not spiritual people at all yet don’t drain my light all too much. These are friends who have closed themselves off to faith for the most part. From my understanding, many people’s voids for the Spirit are closed. They’ve decided not to pursue God, spirituality, or unconditional love in general. It’s those who I know who are open to spirituality or seeking spirituality in the wrong places that drain my light the most. I’ve even experienced other Christians who’ve drained my light simply because they haven’t sought God in a while. I’m keenly aware of when certain people in my life need a reminder to spend some time with the Lord.

Very recently, I’ve decided to stop pursuing friendships that drain my light. It’s simply become too much of a struggle for me to spend time with them. However, I am not completely closed off to these people. Many of them are kind, amazing people. It’s just extremely difficult to enjoy being with them. The stronger my self love grows (I can thank Jesus for that, too), the more I realize I can’t keep giving my light to people who drain it.

I know they’re feeling the Holy Spirit when they spend time with me and that likely gives them a taste of what it feels like to be whole. We all need to get our source of the Spirit somewhere.

As of now, I’m not sure how to further the reach of the Gospel to those who drain my light yet are people I care about. I like to be able to share the Gospel through experiences and relationships, but it’s hard to want to foster these relationships when I feel so tired and weak. I do wonder if this is a common struggle within the Christian community and Church as a whole.

If this experience has been happening to you, please comment and share this article. I’d love to know your experiences as well. God bless you and remember that you can always replenish your light when you spend time with the Lord.